okay so coral blue number 5 semi gloss lipstick
i want it and i don’t even wear lipstick
please stop romanticizing Lord Farquad
He wants to play!
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.
that was a wild ride
when ur mom says you need to get a job but u know ur not ready
...and if it wasn't, I hope tomorrow is better <3
Me: so u into incest
raven’s face. lol
I think this is so important.
i love u
someone didn’t follow the instructions on how to build a cat
Woah Woah woahhhh
Okay I was just on David’s blog and he blogged something from dare-g … I mean I knew Andrew was following them but I thought dare-g was like a Sylvie thing. Like only I can reblog stuff from that blog. GO AWAY DAVID AND ANDREW. DARE-G AND I HAVE A…
OMG thanks. It’s super weird that two of my irl friends follow you. But understandable because you’re blog is really cool and you’re perfect